Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Question Reality

Look around you, and try to count all of the things around you. This sole room that I am in has 4 lights, a fan, a television, a fridge, a couch, two chairs, a table, a coffee table, 8 candles, some christmas decorations, couple windows, and a clock. All in this room. My Tv is on, playing a hockey game or something. The lights are on quite dim. I have some music playing in the background. The mood is very relaxing. But these are still things to concentrate on.

People seem not to get lost in thought enough. My sister, who only has her permit, was driving herself to her friends house which is about 15 minutes away. I was in the passenger seat, looking out the window. Have you ever noticed, or if you have ever experienced, when you complelty lose your sense of sight and just seem to get so locked into whatever you are thinking about, whether it is some drama going on in your life or just getting lost in nature, and just don't seem to notice what you are looking out. I never see this in other people. If this ever happens, they just say that they dazed out or something of that nature. I ask what they are thinking, and they say nothing. How? How are people not constantly thinking? Over this break I've kind of been grounded of sorts and have had a lot of alone time. Not "alone" time, just a lot of time to think. And it really isnt helping my brain. But it has let me think of some strange things.

Such as, what if I am just the main character of this life, and everyone else in it is just like on a cast and the producer, whoever he or she is, just switches people in and out, depending on what I am doing that day at that time. Or what if whatever I am not looking at, doesn't actually exist. Like a video game. If you're not seeing part of a level, you know it is still there, but it just doesn't register to the player on the screen. Like my parents, who are downstairs, are not actually there until I go down to go check on them. Or, take something like the entire contintent of Africa. How do I know that exists? I've never actually seen it, I've just been told that it is there. What if everyone in this world is actually real, but just not in this world. Imagine 6 billion people or whatever signed up to go to a virtual reality or something, and live their life, and the people running the simulation just figure out what the people imagined, and if the ideas are good enough, apply it to the real world. And going back to the top paragraph, what if the people running it put in all of these distractions so the people in the simulation never actually think that there is something more, and in turn creating a perfect conrol group.

If you have ever actually imagined something like the above, have you ever tried to find the perfect combination of anything that will take you out of this. Like I always think when I am thinking of something, and try to figure it out, all of the sudden some people will just float down and tell me "Congratulations, you figured it out!" Or like everything I am looking at is just ripped to shreds in front of me and I am just woken up, since I did a perfect combination of whatever that successfully allows me to leave this part of my journey, and allow me to go on to my next part. Sometimes, when I am walking or biking, go over certain potholes or cracks, praying that that exact combination allows me to go on. What if it something way more complicated that I placed for myself in a previous life. How the heck am I supposed to figure it out. Say I am just a projection of sorts. The problem with that is, when I was a baby, I will forget everything that I possibly had myself remeber in the previous life to get out of this on, since I basically lived 15 years not thinking of any of this.

When I was younger, I would sometimes ask people questions like, "Have you ever thought that we see different colors than what you see. Such as, my red is your yellow, etc.:" And almost every single person dismissed this, saying that that is just a dumb idea. And I never thought of it as anything prominent or important.  But than I would think more and more about these type of trivial, questionable ideas. And in turn, have created this. My brain is my worst enemy.

And what if I can't die. What if, dare I say it, I am some sort of prophet. Or maybe even God. How am I not to know that I am not him. Because I can't perform miracles? Does that make me not God? I feel like everything has more or less worked out in my life, and while there have been some hard spots. just teaching me and allow me to move on. Sometimes when I drive, I imagine myself just ramming into the car coming towards me in the other direction. But I never do it because I am too scared. And it seems recently that I have been getting a lot of hints that whatever I start to think, will eventually become present in my daily life quite soon in a very suttle way. Like, what if this is actually just a very, very clear dream, and I am starting to lucid dream of sorts. What if eventually, I can just mind control this entire universe.

What if December 21 2012 is actually the end of the world, but just for me. Not like I "die" that day, but I just pass this obstacle in my life. Life is starting to become more and more clear, and that this date would make an appropriate end to when I have finally figured everything out that I need to know.

Have you noticed that every single person in your life has a different unique precense about them. Why is that. You have your friend that you can say anything to, you're friend that is just pure awesome, someone who just has created multiple problems in your life, someone who has just been a bystander but has still been there, etc. All of these things create a perfect circle of entirety, right in front of your eyes.

 If life is actually real and I am just insane, how is everyone so different? How can anyone think of so many different personalities and appearances? What if just the people that affect me are every single personality in the world. Like, not everyone is unique. Just the people that affect me hold every single charteristic and personality that are expressed throughout the whole world. And they represent the entire world. But the world as a whole have multiple of the same people.

What if I am not alone. What if, whatever higher power is present, put like 10 of us on the world, and that we will never meet each other, but we exist on the same earth, learning the same things as everyone else.

And what if I am actually just insane? What is a person with this type of thinking supposed to do with their life. If I do in fact, believe what I have said previously, why don't I just kill myself? Because I think that if I do that, it is basically cheating, and that I would have to start all over. But if everyone is actually real, and that this is the one stop train, and that after this we disappear forever, why would that ever exist? My dad always says we live, we die. I find that quite ignorant. Or is it something that has just been created for the sole purpose to make my brain think of that idea, and just accept that idea, and not think of any of this, going back to one of the latter paragraphs.

And if this is just a dream, how can I create all of this. If in fact, this is all of my thinking, that means I've created hundreds of languages, millions of miles of architecture, the human species, every other type of species, etc. In just my subconscious. That just seems impossible. But that would be preety impressive.

What if this is just a test. If any of you familiar with Freud ( I admit, I am not) however he said something like some children are attracted to their mothers or something freaky like that. What if this is a test for eternity. What I mean is, say you want to marry someone for eternity, as this would most likely happen in a bigger picture. Anyway, you get to spend one human life with your "wife," however, you grow up, while she is basically the same age your whole life. And once you die, you go back and see if you really want to stay with this person for eternity.

My parents said I need a therapist. I'm not sure if I should or not.

Also the only point of the title was for people who are questioning reality to read this. I'm not questioning reality. I'm questioning the purpose of it.

1 comment:

  1. ive had these thoughts.... but lately.... its like im only a step in reality... like what im seeing is only a ghost of something, living color shadows walking the present, not a world of objects but ideas, mixing, breaking, echoes all disturbing eachother, coliding to create a new, chaotic image..... there seems to be no good words for my description and many other things im experiencing